He Gives and Takes Away

About the time we were getting married, Jared and I created a thirty by thirty list--like everyone else on the planet. Problem was, we were only giving ourselves eight-ish months to complete it before Jared's birthday in February, and we already had some plans in place. We are really focused on living debt-free, so our first goal is to save a quite significant amount of money in that time to pay down on our houses, because we own (read own mortgages) on two: mine and his. Over the last few weeks, we've done a lot of fun things and made great improvements on his house. We've marked off some of our other goals, but we have made NO progress toward saving that money and I've started getting very antsy. Truth is, I've started thinking about how I can get a second job at the mall to earn extra and how I might be able to work even one item into our budget. I've been bitter when I've seen Jared buy coffee and stressed out over telling him that I bought new clothes, though he had agreed that I should spend the money and has never seemed even slightly worried that we wouldn't reach our goal. Yesterday, I moved through the end of Genesis and into Job in my chronological reading of the Bible, and I was reminded that God's ways are higher and that His plans are greater and come in His time, not mine. I was also reminded that every circumstance presents us with a chance to acknowledge His greatness, whether it seems like the kind of greatness we associate with prosperity or the kind of greatness we associate with his Awesomeness. He gives and He takes away, which we really learn in Job, but also in Genesis. Those Patriarchs--Abraham, Issaac, and Jacob--and their precious wives--Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel--really struggled to conceive. Issaac and Rebekah waited on God's time and were blessed with twins, but we all know how patient Abraham and Sarah and Jacob and Rachel were; they whipped those concubines right out so God would surely bless them. They took matters into their own hands and created somewhat of a problem in doing so: children who just didn't get along with their siblings. All of this to say, I'm too quick to conjure up my own solution to God's plan, to offer a different time frame that I like better. I like to control things and figure out how to make them work. And, that's part of my job as a Christian. Jacob and his son Joseph, in particular, were blessed partially because of their willingness to work hard, even above and beyond what was expected of them. That's not the only way, though, that God blesses us. Sometimes, He uses others along with our hard work. Like letting Pharoah's riches figure into the Israelites' abundance during the seven years of famine. Joseph did the hard work and more importantly was faithful and was thus rewarded with access to all the good things in Egypt. Last night, God blessed us, too. He didn't give the entire amount of what we felt He was calling us to save, but through a gift, He showed me that He has this under control. I need to be faithful, because He--in HIS time--will also prove faithful to provide for us. I honestly (and shamefully) felt kind of bitter about receiving the gift, but I kept praying that God would make me into a person that others seek for blessing, not curses, which was unrelated to this situation, I thought. Somehow in all of that, He reminded me that In order to be that person, I have to trust in Him and His ways. Real blessings do not come from making your own plans. They come when you settle into the idea that Our God is greater. He opens wombs for the childless, in His time. He opens storehouses of grain for the starving, in His time. And, He provides just enough to remind the doubting that He is our Provider, in His time. I just have to be willing to wait on His time. I know that He will give and take away; my real job is to say, "Blessed be the name of the LORD" in all I do.

Oh my!

It's gonna be a long week! This planning stuff takes a long time.

Great weekend!

Engagement walk on the bridge after sonic drinks.
Celebrating with family and friends.
Sooooo many messages and calls.
Christin's 30th at Greenhouse Grill, showing of the ring.
Alejandra's hilariously Mexican 18th birthday.
Pictures at the Chapel at the Creek at Pinnacle.
Einstein's bagels.
Nursery training.
Rachael and Charlotte over for leftovers.
Funny visit to St. Catherine's, where bagpipes will signify that you are sad this moment (your wedding!) is over but will carry it with you forever.
Trespassing at Magnolia Gardens Inn.
Knowing what that I want it to represent that we are part of something more.
May 27th? I like it.
Bike ride and talks about our future.
Run.
Long talk with Momma.
Sooooo much fun. I loved this weekend!

Yay!

I'm engaged! I'm so happy! More later. (I got a manicure today. Must have been good luck! :))

Ice Skating

Random Thursday night trips for fifteen minutes of free ice skating are fun. Ultimate chocolate chip cookies are yummy. Waking up to hear that the Cardinals won is exciting. Last night was fun.

Disappointment

I was so ready. Dressed nicely. Wearing pearls. Good hair. Then we left the wedding and changed into jeans and went to Target and that was it. I really felt like my carriage changed back into a pumpkin. And, I really felt like yet again, the dream that I wished was going to let my heart break a little bit longer. It'll surely be all a twitter when it happens.

Changing Things

I lose perspective in small towns, amidst the day to day. I forget that there's more. I can change more. I can make a difference.

I love teaching, and I believe in teaching I change things--one little being at a time. In doing that, I make a difference.

But, there's more; I'm more. I'm passionate about education. It inspires me. It bubbles up inside of me. It's the thing that gets me going. I need to put that in perspective.

Day to day to I need to remember that I believe in two equalizing forces: God Himself, who created all as equals, and education, which brings all back to that state.